Cowboy Troy (feat. Sarah Buxton) - "If You Don't Wanna Love Me"

The video for this song is something like a public service announcement; at least, it turns into a PSA at the end. Featuring the vocal talents of Sarah Buxton--a woman who's soft voice personifies a woman's last sad plea/ultimatum: If you don't wanna love me, I'll find somebody else who will.

I wish I'd had this song to play for my sister a few years ago; her second relationship began under not so auspicious terms, and ended badly. She really should have been the woman looking for someone else to love her; that hurt might have saved her from a larger heartbreak later on.

Every time I hear this song--and I look it up online about once a month or so--I'm reminded of Henry David Thoreau's famous words: "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." The song is quietly desperate, about what happens when people are pushed to the end of their ropes and they just won't take it anymore.

I've always heard it said that you should never fight a desperate man, for he has nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But the women in this song aren't so much furious as vindictive (but I don't necessarily mean vindictive in a negative sense). It's not so much that they want to hurt the people in their lives; more like Patty Loveless says when she sings, "You don't even know who I am... So what do you care if I go?" They're trying to get back at the people who ignore them, and didn't love them the way that they should have been loved. And if they don't appreciate what they had, then the women will find someone else who will appreciate them, because they (the women) deserve to be loved, just like everyone else.

I do like country music. I like to write, I like to tell stories. I like music, and I like songs that tell stories. Rascal Flatt's "Skin" (about a high school girl diagnosed with cancer) pretty much has the power to bring tears to my eyes every time I hear it, because my best friend has cancer, as did my cousin. "If You Don't Wanna Love Me" tells a different sort of story, one where a woman gets back her respect by ditching a man who doesn't appreciate her.


At least, that's how the first part of the song goes.

The second part is about a runaway, a teenager who left home because she didn't feel loved or appreciated by her parents. Maybe she felt like nothing she did was right, like I felt sometimes. Maybe she felt like her parents loved her other siblings more, like Bridgette did. The difference, I think, between Bridgette and the girl in the song is that, while the song's teenager runs away from home, Bridge ran to someone who was away from her home.

That's the real reason why I like this song, actually. I mean, I like it for the other reasons as well; those are still true. But this song reminds me of Bridgette, and that's the truest reason.

There are people and songs who have shaped my life, made it different, made it better, sometimes made it worse. There are songs out there that epitomize everything I felt, and expressed it so well when I couldn't express it at all. "Jumper", "In The Gloaming", and "If You Don't Wanna Love Me" all remind me of Bridgette, of a girl who was fearless until she wasn't, strong until her strength deserted her, and desperate when she left.

When she left home, she had nothing to lose, in her mind. The only people in her family that she liked were one of her younger sisters, her (late) grandmother, and her little brother. But she couldn't stand her parents, or her youngest sister, and she hated living with them.

Her parents refused to un-enroll her from our high school, even though she left in November. It was December before the teachers finally listened to what Olivia, Christa, Erin, and Michael told them, that Bridgette was gone and wasn't coming back.

If you don't wanna love me then I'll find somebody else who will
I listen to this song because it gives me hope, that somewhere out there Bridgette's found someone who loves her better than the rest of us could.

CHORUS:
If you don't wanna love me
Then I'll find somebody else who will
Find another kind of thrill
Find another way to fill this loneliness
x2

A married couple with kids and a family pet
He takes for granted that it's all good, and things are set
But she feels no passion in the romance
It's been a year since they had their last slow dance
Even worse her husband treats her like an ornament
Every other week the kids have a tournament
A team meeting or somewhere they gotta be
But her heart's screamin', "Hey what about me?"
Unbeknownst, another hound is in the chicken coop
And he's makin' moves like a player to the hoop
She met him at the gym or was it at the grocery?
It doesn't matter 'cause you know where it's goin'
Because last year, her mister got caught cheatin'
So she figures this is gonna make 'em even
He thought she'd wait like all the times before
Until he found the note she left for him hanging on the door
It read...

If you don't wanna love me
Then I'll find somebody else who will
(I'll find somebody else who will)
Find another kind of thrill
Find another way to fill this loneliness
x2

She's sixteen, callin' home to her mama
Afraid to talk 'cause she scared of all the noise and drama
She's been gone for a week and a half
All she wants is something to eat and a nap
Cause she's a runaway (runaway, runaway)
Sleepin' under bridges and sleepin' in alleyways
Afraid to go the shelter so at night she prays
That hopefully she's gonna see some better days
Meanwhile Mom and Dad are really frantic
When they saw her clothes were gone you know they really panicked
Thoughts in their mind, "Did she run to the border?"
Or even worse "Will she be a case on Law and Order?"
The silence in her room screams of not feelin' wanted
Of not being good enough it almost seems haunted
All her pain soon will be known
When she leaves her Mom and Dad a message after the tone and says....

If you don't wanna love me
Then I'll find somebody else who will
(I'll find somebody else who will)
Find another kind of thrill
Find another way to fill this loneliness
x2

If you really wanna know me
I guess you better show me
Is it real or is it phony?
Just love me or leave me alone

If you don't wanna love me
Then I'll find somebody else who will
(I'll find somebody else who will)
Find another kind of thrill
Find another way to fill this loneliness

CRITICAL KARAOKE

Bill Withers "Lean On Me"

I’ve heard “Lean On Me” thousands of times in almost nineteen years, and I’ve always loved the song. Several artists have recorded it, but the first—and my favorite—was Bill Withers. From his sophomore album “Still Bill,” released under the Sussex record label in 1972, “Lean On Me” was one of his greatest hits, and was arguably one of the greatest songs of the last fifty years.
As a song about friendship, it’s right there at the top, along with songs like “You’ve Got a Friend” by James Taylor, “If I Had Only One Friend Left” by Dan Seals, and “I’ll Stand By You” by the Proclaimers. Friendship has always been one of the most important things in my life, so I value this song for that reason.
“Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend; I’ll help you carry on.”
Almost every one of my memories of hearing this song involves my friends; I heard it hundreds of times at 4H camp as a kid, and before my best friend left for college, she burned me a CD so that I could listen to it and remember our friendship. The lyrics, though they have a message, aren’t preachy, and the melody is ridiculously easy to play on the piano. Because the song is so simplistic, it’s easy to learn the words, and to remember the tune. Most of all, the sentiment expressed in the song feels genuine, and not contrived like much of today’s pop music.
“Lean On Me” is easy listening; there really isn’t a situation where this song couldn’t be appropriate. It’s mellow, so it’s good to listen to when you’re stressed. But at the same time, it reminds you that there’s someone out there who’ll take care of you when you’re down, and gives you some form of reassurance that you can rely on your friends to help you. During hard times, I’ve printed out copies of the lyrics and pasted them to my walls, because every time I think about this song, it lightens my mood and reminds me that I have friends and family who care about me.
“When you’re not strong, I’ll be your friend; I’ll help you carry on.” It’s not selfish comfort being offered here. The song practically demands that you reciprocate the support given to you, because we all need somebody to lean on.
This is the greatest song ever because it’s not a song that you’ll have to be ashamed to admit liking later. If you were a Britney Spears or *NSYNC fan, it’s hard to get any sort of respect from your peers when you admit that you still listen to their hits. However, there’s very little stigma attached to being a fan of soul music from the 1970’s. This is also a song that ages well; if you liked it when you were five, you can still like it at thirteen, and nineteen, and fifty, if you’re so inclined. You don’t stop having friends or troubles as you age; this song helps keep the big and little joys and pains in perspective.
“I’m right up the road; I’ll share your load if you just call me.” No man is an island, and we really aren’t alone. If we’re suffering now, someone else has suffered before, and support is out there, even if it’s just in the form of a simple song with this profound message:
…Sometimes in our lives we all have pain, we all have sorrow. But if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow. Lean on me, when you’re not strong. And I’ll be your friend. I’ll help you carry on. For it won’t be long ‘til I’m gonna need somebody to lean on. If there is a load you have to bear that you can’t carry, I’m right up the road. I’ll share your load, if you just call me.…I just might have a problem that you’d understand; we all need somebody to lean on.

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me

Big Country - "In a Big Country"

Okay, this song really did replace Cutting Crew; Roxette was the other who got replaced. But I've been listening to this song for a few days now, and I really kind of like it.
First, let me make abundantly clear: I LOVE the 80's. Love them. Would marry them if they were animate and looked attractive while brushing their teeth (and yes, I'm mostly joking there).
But I felt a very distinct need to have a lighter-themed song, after the last few blogs. So, cheerfulness it is.

In a big country dreams stay with you
I like that message. Dreams can stay with you, I mean. Especially since freshman biology killed my dream of being a doctor--a dream, I might add, that I'd held for seven years. But not being a doctor means that I can be a writer, something that in the long run will, I hope, make me happier. Because to me, a day without science is pretty okay, and not having to deal with listening to people's health problems all day pretty much fills me with glee.
But I can't actually imagine having to go an entire day, week, or month--let alone longer--without writing. "A day without a nap is crap." But a day without writing doesn't even bear mentioning, it sucks so hard.

But you can't stay here with every single hope you have shattered
I couldn't just keep wishing to be a doctor; I wanted to be a cardiologist after my grandmother died of a heart attack; I wanted to be an oncologist after my favorite cousin was diagnosed with cancer. I wanted to be doctors for them, but I want to write for me.

I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert
But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime
I actually intend to keep my copy of Songbook; not that I could sell it back for any decent amount of money, anyway, seeing as I've underlined my favorite passages. And one of those sticks in my head: "Maybe it's only songwriters who have ever had any inkling of what Jesus felt on a bad day." (p. 50)
I don't think it's only songwriters who understand this. It's writers, and singers, and sculptors and painters and architects and idealists and anyone who's ever seen an image in their head that they wanted to translate to the real world, but couldn't. It's so perfect in your head, but it loses in translation from imagination to hard copy.

On an unrelated to the previous topic note:
For some reason, this song also reminds me of Australia; a good connotation, since I plan to do a study abroad there from February to November of 2007.

I’ve never seen you look like this without a reason
Another promise fallen through
Another season passes by you
I never took the smile away from anybody's face
And that's a desperate way to look
For someone who is still a child

In a big country dreams stay with you
Like a lover's voice fires the mountainside
Stay alive
I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered
But you can't stay here with every single hope you had shattered

I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desert
But I can live and breathe
And see the sun in wintertime

In a big country dreams stay with you
Like a lover's voice fires the mountainside
Stay alive

In a big country dreams stay with you
Like a lover's voice fires the mountainside
Stay alive

So take that look off of your face, it doesn't fit you
Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded
Pull up your head off the floor—come up screaming
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted

I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered
But you can't stay here with every single hope you had shattered

I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desert
But I can live and breatheand see the sun in wintertime

In a big country dreams stay with you
Like a lover's voice fires the mountainside
Stay alive

Soul Asylum - "Runaway Train"

This was my oldest sister's favorite song when I was a kid. She would make us all shut up when it came on the radio, she bought the CD with her allowance, and if I noticed she was upset, I could sing it and get her to feel marginally better.
I love this song. I can listen to it at night and fall asleep to it, and it makes me happy in a desperate sort of no-one-understands-me-either sort of way (which is sometimes exactly what I need.)

The '90's will never be as beloved to me as the 1980's were; too much crap happened in those years, and there's a lot that I would just as soon forget when I look back on that decade. But this song... I never want to forget this song, never want to forget sitting on the kitchen floor with my arms around my sister's shoulders, singing softly and rocking from side to side, back and forth, until both of us calmed down.

I'm the youngest child; a full six years separate me from my oldest sister. A lot of her friends frightened me, and I didn't understand a lot of what she was going through. I don't know if I ever really understood what she was going through when I sang her this song... but I do remember feeling worthwhile when she'd stop crying (I HATE to see my sisters cry) and press a kiss to my forehead.

Runaway train burning in my veins, Runaway but it always seems the same.

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

Goo Goo Dolls - "Name"

Theresa was a bitch, but she was a bitch who was my friend. So it was hard to believe when she changed so much our senior year of high school.

But at the core of my memory, I can't forget the shy and funny three-year-old I met at McDonald's with our moms. We bonded over a love of Princess Lovely Locks and the secret of what really happened to her electric toy dog. (We fed it plastic cherries from that cherry picking game until we were convinced it wasn't hungry anymore.) Even today, Pac Man, Ring Pops, and old country roads remind me of the friend who could actually hold her own against the storm that was me. The only friend I coud stand to hurt, because I knew she'd hurt me back.

Twisted, right? But we had an agreement we reached freshman year... If one of us hurt the other, the injured party had the right to hurt right back. It wasn't exactly normal, and probably unhealthy as well, but it was the only way we could survive ourselves as teenagers as opposed to preschoolers.

And even though the moment's passed me by
I still can't turn away.

There were a lot of rough patches in Tree's life, lots of rough patches that I understood better than most. So when she came to me this close to tears from rage and disappointment, she knew that she'd get quiet sympathy and understanding, and another human to vent her spleen against and not be pushed back so hard as our other friends were wont to do. Those were the days when we worked best together.
Those days are gone now. There were several days when what had pushed Tree into a rage had no bearing on what she was ranting about, and quite a few days when Tree pushed hard enough to cut open wounds on the people she ranted to. And really, you can only push me so far before I'll push back harder. The easiest way to get my back up is to be cruel to my friends in front of me. I will rip you apart faster than you can blink.

And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost and thrown away

My mother, knowing in that way that mothers do that I was better at writing my feelings than saying them, would always warn me to be careful what I wrote. If I wanted to express myself, then words said in anger could be more easily taken back than words written on paper. So there are about ten journal entries where I raged at Tree, and contemplated ending our friendship. And by the time I'd gotten that from mind to hand to pen to paper, and the ink dried, I was usually over the brunt of my anger, and it went back to manageable levels before I had to go and talk to her at school.

And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell 'em your name

Tree and I also have mental illness in common; I've seen the shirts and slogans time and again in stores and on t-shirts: "I fear I have an undiagnosed mental illness."
Well, Tree and I don't fear the undiagnosed; we've got the diagnosed illnesses. We each have different flavors of "crazy", but I understand her mood swings better than most people standing out in the storm of her emotions--I stand in the eye of another storm. Depression set in early with both of us; cut off from any support system in the vicious world of small parochial elementary school, we didn't stand a chance. It was pretty much a foregone conclusion that the essentially shy girls would be meat to the vultures populating those schools in the guise of humans. Mania came later, but in Tree especially it was pretty pronounced. Even her "good" days weren't good days--they were just days when the mania took her over, used her, and spit her out.

So I tended to jump down people's throats when they whined about Tree's mood swings. "Yeah, it sucks, but cut her some slack," I told them. "She's supposed to be your friend. Just let it go."

And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way

Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?

She's dropped out of college now; she had such big dreams, and was so excited to be going to Cumberland... but now she's back in a town she hated, with a family she doesn't particularly care for most of the time--though that might be the illness speaking more than what she actually feels. So I don't have as much in common with her as I used to; I love college--it's like my natural habitat. In grade and high school I was always too damn smart for my own good, and a person can only be told how much their friends hate them for their good grades so often before they crack. Here, I've adjusted, and have a support base broader than a few friends and the Speech Team.

This song has basically been my favorite song since the sixth or seventh grade.

And if I cry a little sometimes when I hear it, well... that's pretty much between me, my computer, and this blog.

And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away

And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell 'em your name

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are?

You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell .em your name

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell 'em your name