Kristin Chenoweth & Idina Menzel: For Good

There's a sort of soundtrack to my life, really. Songs that have perfectly illustrated what I was feeling at any given point in my life. "Jumper," "Adam's Song," "Lean On Me," "I'll Stand By You," "Away in a Manger," and now this: "For Good."

The "Wicked" soundtrack was particularly popular in my dorm room; Callie burned the CD from someone in DSP, I burned it from her, we played it nonstop for like a month.

College brought on a lot of changes for me. It was the first time I'd ever been away from home and lived pretty much on my own; it was the first time I didn't have classes scheduled from 8:30 to 3, and the first time I'd spent any significant amount of time away from Ria in 4 years. It was also the first time I'd been able to spend any significant amount of time with Jay in two years.

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
Ria and Jay are the two most influential friends I have. "Lean On Me" reminds me of both of them, because I always told them that they could lean on me if they needed it. And they became like my sisters, closer to me, at times, than my own blood.
Ria sat with me for an hour and a half as I poured out my anguish to the high school counselor, missing her first two periods while she held my hand and held me together. I wouldn't have made it through the last two years of high school without her intervention. She's one of my dearest friends, and though she has her bad points, I still wouldn't choose to not be friends with her. I've known her since I was less than a year old. Even though she's at WKU across the state, I still email her. Piano music reminds me forcibly of Ria (as I was reminded the other night while Callie practiced her piano), and when I think of the Beatles, I think of her.
Jay made life bearable. Without her, I wouldn't have survived this long at all; I'd have self destructed back in freshman year. And she feels the same for me. Things were once so bad that we elicited a pact from one another: neither of us is allowed to die until the other is ready to let her go. That's why it scared me so bad when she called school from the UK Medical Center to tell me the doctors thought that she had cancer. I'd already nearly lost my favorite cousin to cancer; the thought of losing Jay was (and still is) more than I could bear. I put "Skin" on my Windows Media Player nonstop for two months while I prayed and begged and tried to accept that there were things I couldn't protect her from, things which might steal her away long before either of us were ready to go.

And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for
The people who forgive me the most are Ria and Jay. The other halves of myself know that sometimes I hurt them, and I know that sometimes they hurt me, but we can work it out togethr like none of my other friends can. Even if we sort it out over instant messenger or email, I can't bear the thought of one mistake ending such important friendships. So I ask for (and receive, and give) forgiveness a lot, because we're a family to each other, and that's what families are supposed to do.

So much of me is made of what I learned from you
I learned to be strong and brave by Jay's example, while Ria taught me to forgive and have faith. Between the three of us, I believe there's nothing that's impossible. Without each of their influences, I wouldn't be who I am. There as much a part of me as my limbs, my intelligence, my sense of humor,... everything that's good about me has some of their influence. I believe in myself because they believe in me, and their faith is pretty unshakeable.

You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart
Distance has separated us, but we'll never really be apart. Especially in this technological age, where email means that you can be in contact with another person instantly. That's my main way of communicating with Ria, but we always expressed ourselves better in writing.

And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend

(Elphaba) I'm limited
(Just look at me)
I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
(For both of us)
Now it's up to you...

(Glinda) I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
(Glinda) Because I knew you
(Both) I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I've done you blame me for
(Glinda) But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore

[Simultaneously]
(Glinda) Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba) Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
(Both) Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
(Glinda) And because I knew you...
(Elphaba) Because I knew you...
(Both) Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

Kansas - "Carry On My Wayward Son"

My sisters and I know this as one of the "boat songs." When we were younger, my dad bought a pontoon boat for the purpose of going and spending some time out at Green River or Kentucky Lake. And he had a mixed tape of songs that he loved, and he'd play them while we were on the boat. And so these songs remind us of going out on the boat, with the scent of muddy water in our noses, the sun and spray on our skins, and Daddy smiling and having a good time.

There weren't a lot of smiling good times in my house when Daddy was home.

Dad was an alcoholic, and was an abusive one like his father and grandfather before him. It wasn't a good environment, and for years I've wondered why Mom didn't just divorce him and let us all move on with our lives.

Carry on my wayward son/There'll be peace when you are done/Lay your weary head to rest/Don't you cry no more
I hope this gave my sisters hope; I know it helped me. "There'll be peace when you are done" is just such a restful message to me. You know? Struggle on, because one day it will be over and you can rest. Don't worry. Everything will be alright.

More than I hope it gave my sisters hope, I hope it helped my dad. My parents are still married--they toughed it out, even when I hoped they'd just throw in the towel. And I'm proud that my parents have stuck it out for over 30 years.

I'm angry at my parents for doing a lot of things wrong when I was a child.
But I don't resent my dad for taking us out on the boat, playing these songs until the swimming and the music put us to sleep, listening over and over until this song soothes me more than almost anything else in the world. I don't blame my dad for teaching me to love Nintendo games, or classic/Southern rock, or how to swing a baseball bat. I don't resent my mother for agreeing to buy the boat. And I love Daddy for this song, and the rest of the "boat songs".

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

No!
Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
The center lights around your vanity
But surely heaven waits for you
Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)

Five For Fighting - "If God Made You"

I first encountered this song on the soundtrack to "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" which I took my sister to go see for her birthday. I like Five for Fighting; I love their song "Superman," and this song just makes me happy to listen to.

Something inside says there's something better than this
Something inside me has always said that somewhere, there's something better than what I have, who I am. And I never found that until I got to high school, that something better.

Once I got to high school, I had the opportunity to join the Speech Team. And if you don't know what the Speech Team is, then you're a deprived and depraved individual (whereas if you participated in Speech, you're just depraved). We would wake up at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning, get dressed in competition outfits (business formal wear), drive to Bethlehem, and then drive to the tournament, where we'd either perform (for the Interpers) or give a speech (for the Oratorical events--Original Oratory, Declamation, Radio Broadcasting, Impromptu Speaking, and Extemporaneous Speaking). I was a Speaker--Impromptu and Extemp. And while I did Speech, I was safe. You can't mess with one member of the Team without at least one other member jumping to their defense. For me, the person most likely to defend me (and spend time with me, and be my best friend) was Jacynthia, better known as "Jay".

I had known her before high school; she and my older sister were good friends in grade school. When we re- met in high school, the two of us bonded over a shared love of the same books, a similar sense of humor and irony, and a connection we felt from the very beginning. She's my sister of the soul; the one I'd choose, over and over.

"Lean on Me" is her song for me; "If God Made You" is my song for Jay. She's the one who has helped make life bearable, when I wanted nothing else but to leave. And I hope I can make her life good as well, because she's mia sorella and I really do love her better than anyone else in the world. I chose UK on the strength of her being here; not because of the English program or the nearness to one of my sisters--I could have chosen WKU and had the same thing. I came to UK because the only person who convinces me that there's a loving God out there somewhere attends this school.

If God made you he's in love with me
Even though Jay doesn't fully believe me when I tell her that her being here makes everything else worth more, it's still true. She's my best friend, mia sorella, and the dearest person in the world to me. In short, if God made her, then He's in love with me.

Hey Kid...
Your time has come to change
Though I need you more than I've needed anyone in any way tonight
Hey Kid...
I know it won't be long
The Captain's calling...come to see you back where we belong

Something inside me is breaking
Something inside says there's somewhere better than this...
Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you he's in love with me

Hey Kid...
Do wishes count at all
Can you give me a sign...give me anything I won't tell a soul you told
Hey Kid...
Will you hold me when I sleep
Will you find me when the tide decides that I got to leave

Something inside me is breaking
Something inside says there's somewhere better than this...

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you he's in love with me

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in your eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you he's in love with me

Something inside me is breaking
Something inside says there's somewhere better than this my love

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you he's in love with me

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in your eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you... he's in love with me...